The Set Up a.ka Yes I am Single Part 2 !!!!!!

With the rise of a lot of wedding blogs ,sites and invitations, It could be almost impossible for a girl not to get mesmerized with it or as we say catch the wedding fever.  Even if you do not frequent some of the weddings sites ,  invitation from friends knock at your door .If that is not the case, then maybe a family member might just send one or a colleague at work.

I find it  funny how not too long ago our main concern was to get an education. In the process try to make some friends, join most of the fun school clubs , make the best grades , make some more friends  and nothing else mattered . It was all fun and games . The widely made instruction by most of the parents was focus on what you were sent to school to do no time for boyfriends. Then school ends and they cant seem to have an important conversation without marriage being included. Don't get me wrong .I don't disagree with a genuine question about it but when it becomes so frequent and it goes beyond family to the society as a whole asking questions, it could  mount pressure on a girl. At weddings attended ,one aunt or two must extend pleasantries with questions about marriage and some are bold enough to utter words like "don't worry  next time it will be yours" or "We are waiting for you". Thus mounting unnecessary pressure and dis content in the minds  of people.
A lot of females  get depressed when they haven't met that guy . I mean the sociological and biological clock is ticking so it is only right that one should get worried about the issue. I mean you need a reply to give those people who wont stop asking questions  however , this makes a lot of  people  rush into marriage , make mistakes , hence one of the major contributions to  the high rate of divorces. Don't get me wrong I am all for marriage  , all for love, ( evident in the fact that I watched days of our lives for almost ** years of my life)  and all for relationships.I mean I have saved pictures from bella naija and some other weddings sites and I may or may not have my playlist for my wedding*wink*. However, I feel that nobody should be  pressured into it . Nobody should be made to feel unhappy or inadequate because they are unmarried.. Some of us have even come to believe that that is where our happiness lies but the truth is that there are married people that are truly unhappy and there are single people that are unhappy too so happiness does not necessarily depend on your relationship status changing or a huge ring being placed on your finger or being single either.
               It lies in knowing yourself and loving yourself first .  You only bring to the table who you are , if you are an unhappy person, the fact that a wedding takes places does does not mean that space of unhappiness suddenly disappears( More on this in later post). This unhappiness and desperation has led a lot of people to settle for less and to worry. You should love yourself enough not to settle for someone who does not respect you or treat you right . I know society tries to  put this pressure on however, society will not be there with you when you are sad and you feel all alone in  the marriage.  Nobody should make you rush into anything you are not ready for or make you question God's ability to give you the right person. The one who respects you and loves you  and appreciates you .
 You see, me too , I love love, I love the romantics, and Love to be loved but I am against rushing into a marriage because of society or any other wrong reasons. You are the apple of God's eye. His own masterpiece. A reflection of him made in his image and his likeness . You deserve to be treated right, you deserve to be loved right and treated with honor , " the bible says  that a husband is to love the wife even as Christ loves the church" - eph 5: 25

"Husband, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving , not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty.Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, Dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness". - The Mess Eph 5 : 25- 28

Don't let this pressures undermine what God has planned for you. Let it be resolved in your mind that his plans for you are "Good " .Don't you think finding a good partner is good? Don't you think being treated right is good ? I tell you that as long you are open to marriage , you are being sociable, the right person would come along. You don't need to worry or settle .
 "For I know the plans that I have for you ' declares the lord , plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope". - Jer 29: 11

I know its pretty hard for some of us not to worry about it but worrying really does not help. It is also a demonstration of lack of trust in God. No to fear, No to worrying and Yes to Enjoying yourself, being happy ,holding on to what God says and going about life knowing that  Jesus has got you covered.

Quit Chasing Shadows Embrace You!!!!!

Some say the  most important relationship is interpersonal but I found that  an intrapersonal relationship is much more rewarding because you can only give what you have , if you do not love yourself you cannot love others.If you do not love yourself, you cannot believe in yourself.No matter how many times you are told to if you cannot get passed the barrier of embracing self,It would be a constant struggle to believe in yourself or take on anything else.

One of the major reasons why people don't believe in themselves  is because many of us have compared ourselves so much to others that when you stand in the mirror, all you see is  all the comparisons made out in your head. I mean If only you were as beautiful as.....,If only you had the job of.....,If only you could sing as much as ,if only you looked a lot bit like. The funny thing about it is that sometimes we already have our own thing going or are on the verge of it but because you are so concerned about comparing ourselves with others , you cannot see it and you cannot  see anything about yourself to  love. You cannot hear it when God says you are made in his image and likeness and that when he created you,Yes You , he said you were Good and that's what matters. I mean there is a difference  when somebody else says you are good or you are beautiful and God says  You are "Good". With God it is permanent.Even though' the earth be removed the word of the Lord is forevermore".I tell you, the day  you realise that you  don't need to compare yourselves constantly to others,  is the day you begin to look inward and spend time to discover what God had deposited inside of you. In Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.Sometimes it will require  plastering it on your mirror and saying it to yourself out loud so that your mind and spirit can lay hold of it.That you are not just good, you are God's masterpiece made in his image and his likeness for good works. You are not a mistake .He does not make mistakes . You were not made to simply exist or copy. There is something unique to you that only you can give .You are a light to shine in whatever field you find yourself in.

It's Funny how writing this , I had a major flashback to my childhood days, when we teased one of my cousins of how her voice wasn't anything near Mariah Carey's voice(she really loved her)lol. I mean we did this  from school till we got home. The interesting thing was she would always yell back at us that 'She didn't have to be like Mariah'. Her voice was special just the way it was. On some days, she would say this out loud  with tears in her eyes and that will make us remorseful for the day then we chose another day to pick on her again. She has a pretty amazing voice and I seriously do not know why we did it(Thank God for the blood of Jesus that changed our hearts)but you know what comes to mind now.

 

We were young quite alright but she knew that her voice was unique and regardless of the fact that there might be other people with voices better than hers , she just knew hers was special and she was not going to let us or anybody else put her down or make her see her gift as insignificant.  As long as it was given to you by God then you should not see your gift as insignificant. She was a little girl but she had come to embrace her voice ,embrace her own craft, she was not chasing anyone per say but was more interested in spending time with her gift , nurturing it and investing it as she joined her school choirs, went for competitions and mehn did she sing boldly when she had competitions.

Loving you is what  brings about that self confidence that no man can give.With that self confidence comes courage to stand and  face obstacles that come your way. It helps you embrace your uniqueness,love it and treasure it.The truth is, it is quite frustrating trying to be somebody else or be a copy.It is only a deprivation to the enhancement of  the greatness inside of you because when you are so focused on others, you loose the time to harness, realise and build on the giftings God has placed inside of you.There comes a point in your life where you have to block out all that noise and realise that your competition should be with yourself and In order to achieve anything in your life ,you have to accept that as long as you were created by him,(the manufacturer) there is a purpose for you(product).

I heard a story of a young man who had been coming to church and was trying so hard to give up his drug dealing skills .He had  told his pastor that  was all he knew to do and he was not like other people with degrees or  amazing skills.There was nothing particularly special about him . I love the pastors reply.He told him that selling drugs was an act that required getting the word around(marketing),ensure customers are satisfied (customer service) and managing funds.Surely that can be translated into something more positive.This man had these gifts all along but could not see them because he had spent most of the time comparing himself to others thus limiting himself.

I also came across a story which hits close to home about a young lady who  had an amazing voice but It was not the same as the high soprano pitch voices of some other people in her life ,so to her, it was not sufficient and was not good enough.In spite of the fact that countless people had told her to embrace her tone because it was beautiful,she tried so hard to sound like the others.She thought her voice was ok but it just did not measure up in comparison to the others. Due to this, she was prevented from growing into her own. It was not until  she came to the realisation that everyone had their nitche and it was important to embrace hers that she quit chasing the shadows.
 She entered into true freedom  and became thankful for her gift .Soon enough,confidence came not  necessarily because of what people told her, but because she knew that God gave her that gift , it may be different but it was a gift from God and she will spend time with it,develop it and gain confidence in order to become her own.

The Final aspect which I can totally relate to,  is comparing yourself to other christians. I get looking up to people however when we look up to people , to the point that it becomes the most vital thing to us and we don't know who we are following anymore whether it is Jesus or it is the person,then there is a Problem. Have we forgetten that we are changed as we behold his face from glory to glory.

And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the word of God ] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into his very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another [for this comes} from the lord [ Who is the Spirit. - 2 Cor 3 : 18.

The truth is as long as your today is better than your yesterday then you are on the right track.Everybody cannot be at the same pace, we were not all saved on the same day,our individual relationships with God is unique and thats ok.
Being concerned with how things should be ,what people expect of you,  how things are supposed to be, will only hold us back from his fullness and from living a progressive life.What you need is to" breathe". You live a real life and not an act.You are in contact with a real and progressive God who changes you from glory to Glory.You need to stop trying to the job of the Potter.Let the Potter Mould you into whom he had predestined you to be. Stop focusing on others .Turn your eyes unto him.His Spirit within you is more than sufficient to show you how to will and to do of his good pleasure.

As for you the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you.But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as the anointing is real, not counterfeit -just as it has taught you, remain in him.1 John 2:27

As long as he is Lord over our lives, he will lead us. We know what to do because we are in contact with a God that is alive.Some people have gotten so carried away with what people expect from us or trying to be like others that we don't even remember the last time we spent time with ourselves,with your thoughts or just being still.Neglecting the fact that it is in the stillness that we can be attentive to what the potter is saying .Stop looking to others concerning the path you think your life should take.

My son attend to my words: Incline Thine ear unto my sayings .Let Them Not depart from thine eyes; Keep them in the midst of thine heart.For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. Prov 4:20 -22

Sometimes we just need to cry out and say lord you made me and you said you have given me all that pertains to life.Father Guide me lead me, I don't want to  look to anyone else but you "the Way "because it is in you that I find myself .Father I choose to be thankful for the gifts you have given me, all that I am , all that I have  and for your spirit that guides me and helps me every step of the way .I choose to embrace me,embrace myself in you and choose to live each day in the freedom you have given me

Photo Credit - World Wide Web